Script feedback, and letting go of what other people think…

Receiving feedback on your work can be really agonising, especially if you’re an introspective person (i.e. all writers!). But as a screenwriter, working with feedback is part of the deal - it comes at you from multiple places, at multiple stages. There’s no getting around it.

When you get a set of script notes from a script editor, commissioner, exec, or your mum, it’s really hard to not take it personally, to not let it hinder your creativity going forward. Especially if you were raised to have a people-pleasing aspect to your personality (‘good girl conditioning’ anyone?!)

We tend to crave praise, and when we don’t receive it, we start second guessing our talent and our own self-worth. It can seriously throw us.

I’ve felt it myself, and I’ve been the shoulder that many writers have cried on / raged against after receiving feedback that’s particularly kicked them in the guts.

“I know I need a thicker skin, but how do I get it?”

Sarah Millican has said that, when she was starting out in stand up comedy, if a gig didn’t go down well with the audience she’d allow herself until 11am the next day to wallow in self-pity and then force herself to move on. But how do you even do that?

Tara Mohr has an excellent chapter in her book Playing Big on how writers (particularly female writers) struggle to incorporate critical feedback when it’s useful, but not be immobilised by it.

She describes her own journey with learning to see feedback as useful data, rather than a reflection of her own self-worth. And describes five principles to help you let go of what other people think of your work. Praise is a nice addition - the cherry on top - but the work itself is where the real fulfilment comes from. The work itself is the point.

‘Playing Big’: 5 Principles for Unhooking Yourself From Praise and Criticism.

1.     Feedback doesn’t tell you about you, it tells you only about the person giving the feedback. Feedback is necessary and vital to inform us if we’re resonating with our desired audience, but it’s just useful data, nothing more.

2.     Incorporate the feedback that is strategically useful and let the rest go. Gathering others’ opinions helps us confirm if our ideas are understandable and received well. But we need to learn to filter it.

3.     Women who play big get criticised. Period. Criticism is part and parcel of doing important work. Receiving criticism doesn’t equate to having done something wrong.

4.     Look for the ‘match ups’ with criticism and praises. The criticism that most hurts us usually mirrors a negative belief we have about ourself. Similarly,  the external praise we seek matches up with that which we most want to confirm about ourselves. Turn your focus inward to quieten your own inner critic, remind yourself that feedback is just a tool to see if your work is resonating with the intended audience.

5.     Ask, ‘What’s more important to me than praise or being liked in this situation?’ Refocus on your true priorities for having embarked on this creative project.

It works both ways, of course…

It helps immensely if the person giving you feedback knows how to do it in an encouraging and constructive way. People who give script notes should value building a writer up, not tearing them down. It’s a skill that needs to be learned. But that’s the subject of another blog post entirely…